I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
