this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
