I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
