youre lurking in front of me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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