i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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