I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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