what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist