hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.