i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home