Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush