I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to make out with him forever
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
