her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
