He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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