When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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