I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
