somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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