dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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