I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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