I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
