When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
