one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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