i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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