I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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