in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
