i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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