im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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