piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
