and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
