My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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