So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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