I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
