even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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