My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
