I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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