I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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