Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
