Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
