I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
