that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
