You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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