Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
