Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You took a bar mat shot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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