so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
