It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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