there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
