No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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