I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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