Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
