take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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