I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
