3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
