My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
