I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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