we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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