If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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