yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
