Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
