we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
