Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
