hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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